a {restless} heart.

i’m fervently praying for everything unresolved in mine.

sarahjobell

to the glory {of the One who made you.}

this morning i was thinking about how frustrated + disappointed i’ve been over decisions made by people i care about.

& how rough my job feels when I’m dragging myself out of bed at 5 am, wondering if it will be a good or bad day at work.

& struggling to understand why a kind-hearted, Christian man just got diagnosed with terminal cancer.

so i listened to some new, uplifting steven curtis chapman music, then drove to quiktrip.

there, a man in front of me in line bought my drink, two packages of gum, & gummie worms.  i told him, “thank you so much, but you didn’t have to do that.” he said, “that’s the gorgeous thing. that i didn’t HAVE to do it.” even if i hadn’t been the one receiving this gift, i think i still would have been moved just by witnessing this + hearing these words.

i realized {while on the verge of tears} that God is in the small stuff. & i think He knew i needed to see Him work in my life today.

& although that man may never know how thankful i am for his generosity, i am sure glad i serve a God that makes Himself so apparent in the world around me.

it is hands down, the most incredible thing.

this is my evidence,

sarahjobell

your story's not over.

i pray for that girl i once knew.

that good girl.

the girl with an unchangeable heart.

that didn’t have to rely on a boy.

with a faith you couldn’t break,

brimming with integrity,

secure in herself.

you’re still that girl.

nobody.knows.

bags are by the door,

hearts are on the floor

there’s a bottle of tears on the dresser drawer…

nobody knows the trouble we’ve seen

nobody knows the price of this dream

& nobody knows what it took to believe.

{i just want to be free, like a runaway.}

falling.down.

take these broken streets

take these broken dreams

hold my hand like we’re walking free.

top of our lungs hallelujah

where pain + love bleed into one.

left {behind}

let’s face it::

some moments + memories are better left stashed away.

to keep the world spinning.

“now some point the finger + let ignorance linger

if they’d look in the mirror they’d find,

that ever since the beginning to keep the world spinning

it takes all kinds of kinds.”

My kind is::

watching disney channel movies. never completely devoted to a workout routine. still consuming gushers fruit snacks + applesauce out of the pouch.  cooing at kittens.  willing to go cross-country for a concert. lover of pretty pastel dresses.

& you know, i’m ok with that,

sarahjobell

if i don't speak {then who's gonna tell you?}

yikes! it scares me when my heart feels vengeful. & how easily it comes.

like perhaps me telling someone how awful they are makes me the “better” person?

i like to call it “crashing the party.”

we try to tear someone’s party favors down {their ego} when we feel that they have no remorse for hurting others. 

i’ve only done that a few select moments in my life.

but it’s history i don’t want to repeat.

it only seems comfortable to remain angry at a person who wronged you.

& practice verbally defending yourself in the mirror,

hoping to have a confrontation one day so you can tell them how you REALLY feel//felt.

but it doesn’t make things better.

& it won’t make room for healing.

forgiveness is necessary. grudges only hinder.

sarahjobell

our souvenirs.

it can be anything.

maybe something simple::

a smell. an object. a song. a keepsake.

or it maybe complex::an old hang out spot. a note written or received. a phone call you picked up. cutting remarks exchanged. or maybe words to strengthen. a bridge burned. lessons learned.

whether it be a flashback that’s hard to choke back or a moment you wish you could recapture, our memories follow us… & sometimes they haunt us. they can tear us apart or help to put the pieces back together.

but no matter if the recollection was good or bad, it doesn’t have to dictate our lives. you don’t have to stay stuck in the same small town.  just because you were the nerdy kid or most popular person in high school doesn’t mean you’ll have that identity forever. & you shouldn’t wait around for your ex girlfriend//boyfriend to change their mind.

so let go of what you cannot change + strive to break the chains. forgive + forget. laugh at your mistakes. smile fondly at what used be + then move on…

sarahjobell

there You are.

i get so sick + tired.

of the critical.cynical.

harsh words. passive thought.

when it comes to You.

even Christians go through rough patches where God feels so distant.

or isn’t helping. providing. caring.

we have our scars + stories too.

but faith tells us that we know better…

God allows trials + hardships for good reason.

& i know better + enough. i don’t have to have proof or science to stay grounded.  & no, i am not living in a fantasy or lala land when i tell you faith IS enough. & yes that means i don’t have all the answers.

He will always be enough. my cup will overflow.

but still, it’s absolutely devastating to witness others divide themselves from Him.

push + tear Him away like tattered, dirty clothing.

i so desperately want to gather up their broken pieces + shards of glass

{not even a second thought whether it’s cutting my own hands},

& tell them “it’s never too late. His love runs so deep that He bled for you.”

He’s there + loving us like crazy,

sarahjobell

the only.

everything of this world is a temporary happiness.

you can’t take your house.clothes.college degree.fancy lifestyle. with you.

it will leave you feeling empty-handed.

unfulfilled.

the only One who can truly satisfy the human heart is the One who made it.

{true joy is found in Him.}

a weight {lifted.}

“our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn’t have to bear alone.”

you don’t have to let yourself drown.

you don’t need to wander aimlessly.

you don’t need to carry the weight all on your own.

{it’ll get better in time, precious girl.}

a treasure {to Me.}

but my daughter you are worth it all,

even my Son’s own life I gave for you.

I choose you my princess and in you I delight,

for you make my heart sing with praises.

I look upon you and I see your heart

and I weep for I see your beauty.

I made you in my image and you are a treasure to Me.

finer than the rarest gold or the largest diamonds.

you move my heart in crazy ways.