{gathering} dust.

i think i’ve completely lost the magic {in my writing.}

i’ve tossed this blog to the side like a used toy.

& i forgot how precious this blog is to me.

it’s been sitting patiently in the corner for two months now.

gathering dust.

a classic piano that is now out of tune.

an old worn-out-pages-creased book.

a treasure that’s still hidden away in the attic.

i hope i can breathe some life back into this.

somehow.

  

sarahjobell.

blown away.

i often find myself wishing that a storm would come ripping through...

shattering the windows,

tearing the doors off their hinges,

washing out the dust + disheartened overcast that has hung heavy in the air.

i want it all to just blow over + away.

& take my discouragement with it.

sarahjobell

{come find} Me.

“sometimes God allows us to have what we are asking for, to let us see our own lack of understanding.”

& i finally saw that today in the sermon at church.

& how it applies to my life.

to a “T”.

& yes, it took me driving all the way down to sarasota, florida to finally get it.

maybe because i just feel so close to God’s unique beauty + creations.

or maybe because this is a familiar place to me. a home.

either way, i know fear is what held me back.

i thought this someone in my life was too big {of an influence} + God was//felt so small. that mindset has crippled me. & i was living in fear of letting go {of surrendering} because i didn’t trust that God has something better planned for me. i just wasn’t listening…

& i heard Him say, “stop looking at their life, sarah. it only hurts + hinders you. nothing good is coming from it. just let it go + I will take care of it.”

i know it’s going to be a daily challenge, but it’s not impossible.

i can do this with God’s help.

sarahjobell

& run {with reckless abandon}

“you got a fast car

but is it fast enough so we can fly away?”

i have loved this song since middle school.

it really is terribly sad.

but my gosh, it’s beautiful.

just how hard life is…

& there is still so much adventure + beauty in it.

i want to see more of those two things in my own life.

& i feel that vacation brings that sort of reckless abandon back in my life.

just like i crave.

sarahjobell

faults + fairness

i'm having trouble coming up with the words.

so i think i'll just spit em right out.

i messed up.

not the kind of screw-up where it's your tone of voice or facial expression that gives it all away.

but a royal, goose egg of a mess up:: i was so honest that it came out brutal + cruel. ALL. WRONG. & you know what? i never really got to the point!

my part 1 post from last month was a mistake.

i erased it. the first post i've EVER erased.

i was hurt because i want her friendship but i feel like we are drifting. but that's not her fault nor is it fair.

so i'm writing to tell you, my readers, & the person i hurt deeply, i'm so very sorry from the bottom of my heart. for dragging you into my hateful thoughts. for giving too much information about my personal life. for ever being so mean and cruel about anything whatsoever on my blog. i never meant for my writing to turn into this.

i know it was God that did not allow me to go any further in my story, because you know what? it just never felt right to do it in the first place.

i am truly ashamed + incredibly sorry,

sarahbell

{no} cares

dear stress,

let's break up.

sarahjo

a certain {graceful} charm

i know.

owl city + me.

who woulda thunk it?

this song will forever remind me of "this lullaby" by sarah dessen.

haven't read this book?

haven't read ANY of her books?!

i feel sorry for you...

sarahjo

open {your eyes}

"what you say and how you look does not define who you are, because some of the most beautiful people do the ugliest things. you owe something to the people who hate you, who disrespect you and who put you down. because they are the ones who have made you who you are today; for keeping your head up and not breaking down when they want you to."

and these same people either brag or throw themselves a pity party the majority of the time.

and it's sad. i think you need to take a hard look at something::

because i encounter people on a daily basis that are SO much worse off than the teenagers or college kids that only think their situation is absolutely terrible.

open your eyes.

go to a hospital or homeless shelter or oncology unit and realize how good you have it.

listen to a true story that will make you think twice.

because being too sheltered can be detrimental,

sarahjo

{well} liked?

yeah, i'm talking to you.

but, you'll probably never get it.

sarahjo

push + pull

"there are certain people who come into your life, and leave a mark. their place in your heart is tender; a bruise of longing, a pulse of unfinished business. just hearing their name pushes and pulls at you in a hundred ways, and when you try to define those hundred ways, describe them even to yourself, words are useless."

- sara zarr

even as i pressed the word cut on the dropdown menu... i felt a sting.

just like i always do.

i guess you + i are just on different tracks,

sarahjo

{common} occurrence

don't you just hate it when you {semi} freak out about natural disasters, then you end up dreaming about it? only it's in excess?

why yes, there was a tornado warning today. but please tell me why did i have to dream there were three huge black tornadoes out my window last night and i'm trying to get away from them with all my might?

and WHY do i have to be in slow motion?!

don't even get me started on my recurring visions of sharks in shallow water, killer whales in the swimming pool, or snakes completely covering my backyard.

my dreams are weird + i think i need to get back to neverland instead,

sarahjo

good {yeah right} night

today was not even remotely close to being a fun-loving joke.

i give up.

i'm done.

sarahjo

{}

{too} much

this is how i've been feeling these days...

ZERO motivation/productivity.

ugh... 5 AM is coming way too soon.

sarahjo

{ps. returned to my original template with a little revamp! hope you like it! how i've missed it so...}

thoughts + worries

"i hate that time before you go to sleep at night because that's when all the thoughts you've been trying to avoid,

start to linger in your mind."

night {light}

a former night owl,

now even my macbook seems to lull me to sleep.

im pathetic.

sarahjo

{the whole} crazy thing

all this winter storm talk is stressing me out!

dear snowflakes,

please don't ruin my weekend-ing.

sarahjo

happy {day}

I am needing to learn all over again the simple joys in life. The little things that once made me happy, yet for some time I chose to ignore them because I was being competitive. Which, to be honest? Isn't always the best idea. It's not healthy to constantly be in a battle like that.

Sometimes I find that I am sad and hurt for hours. Only to turn around and be angry for the rest of the day. And I would love to get revenge. But that's not my place. It's natural I'm sure.

Forgiveness will come. But it will take time. In the mean time, I will fight to find my true joy in the only thing possible:: Christ.

And the little, simple things. All over again::

::cute kittens that love me and wait for me at the door when I

come home. I love that they each have different personalities too::

:: my prayer box:: we need to get reacquainted::

{yes, I got the idea from Redeeming Love}

::new sweatpants:: there's always more to talk about with this issue. So, there is more to come! promise!

And lastly::

Family that cares about everything and people I can share my secrets to without being judged.

Girls everywhere that can relate to what I've been through and say, "It's their loss, they're not worth your time and friendship." Thank you. It means so much more than you know.

A boyfriend that listens to even my tiniest of problems and really cares about what I'm going through.

Love you guys!

sarahjo

{this} made my day

Can I just say that I had the best weekend in a LONG time?! Partly because I was home-home {in Kansas}, and partly because I got to spend time with some incredibly awesome girls in the youth group. It was D-Now weekend {Disciple Now} and the 2nd I've gotten the privilege to be apart of.

But let's have the pictures do more of the talking... here's quite possibly my favorite out of the whole weekend:

...and I honestly LOVED Harvesters and the volunteer work we did that day. Amazingly, the boys had time to do this:

... which I'm sure was instigated by my boyfriend...

...funny how boys are easily entertained.

Let's just say that our group was more productive {as evidenced below}:

I wish the weekend could have lasted longer...