{new} beginnings

one more chance.

to start all over.

to change our growth.

to grab ahold of grace.

and never let it go.

sarahjo

perfection + paranoia

saw Black Swan yesterday afternoon.

looked in the mirror last night & saw a couple of very red eyes.

nevermind that this is because i have a raging cold.

found myself crazily scratching my back today.

{hmmmm...}

i'm not paranoid...

sarahjo

christmastime {is here}

stop + grin

wishes + lists

my wishes this week {it being a special one & all}::

#1 sleep in. every. day.

#2 make fat-belly cookies!

#3 eat lots of topsy's popcorn.

#4 feast on my typical "christmas library movie list"

#5 reunite the tripod {after almost two years... good gracious!}

#6 go see black swan & little fockers

#7 perhaps start to read a book?

#8 be with the boy who was absent for far too long...

#9 be blissfully happy and child-like to my little heart's content.

truthfully this list could go on & on,

sarahjo

{just a} glimpse

{yes i'm} inked

i have nothing to be ashamed of.

i love my tattoos every bit today as i did they day i made the choice to get them. i think tattoos are more of a socially acceptable thing to have nowadays than they used to be. and i {by no means} got my tattoos just for the heck of it. well ok, maybe the first one on my wrist was a bit of a whim... but i don't love it any less. the other two were contemplated over months and it took a lot of work to create them::

sun with heart:: {my 1st} from my favorite verse, Psalm 46:5, which youve probably seen at the bottom of my blog a few months ago... "God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at the break of day."

lock & key:: from one of my favorite books by Sarah Dessen "Lock & Key", but mostly it has to do with guarding your heart.

love them anyways:: inspired by Martina McBride's song "Anyways". i especially loved this one part- "you can love someone with all your heart, for all the right reasons. and in a moment they can choose to walk away. love them anyways."

i can't say {as of right now} that i will get anymore tattoos... unless i find/have a thought of something i truly want/have to have. i'm happy with what i've got.

sarahjo

see {it}

and although there is a beauty in walking away,

i always hope that You will give me the courage to conquer what i fear most...

and that i will be awakened,

knowing that You will make me one. brave. girl.

sarahjo

you + me = we

dear boy,

5 more days of work.

1 week total til i make the

4 hour drive home.

and no, the time did not fly by.

sarahjo

{p.s. watching love stories on tv only made me more acutely aware of my loneliness. hurry back.}

truly {madly} deeply

and even though you don't want to {quite possibly} be my friend,

it's hard to stay mad at you.

because the truth is... your ignorance will be costly.

not only to me.

but to someone else you deeply care about.

this is more than just a warning, dear.

eventually, everyone falls off their high horse.

sarahjo

ribbons + bows

"it's something we all try to ignore

and put a wreath up on your door."

my patient could not stop singing hymns and christmas carols all day today. i found myself singing along while charting. And i couldn't help but smile every time he exclaimed, "amen, amen!"

And the truth is today does hold something special...

not superficial.

your lyrics are genius, taylor.

amen.

sarahjo

dance + the sugarplum fairy

my favorite music to listen to usually at this time of year is Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker. and i've been so inspired, i have started to wish that i would have stayed in dance when i was younger. maybe even have been a ballerina and eventually earn my pointe shoes! oh well... just one of the many dreams that didn't happen. the pictures sure are pretty though::

maybe i'll just dance around my room anyways,

sarahjo

{to be} sincere

"and i can't pull off the cheer.

not this year."

i feel exactly {word for word} the way this song describes one's lack of christmas joy today.

i feel i've had so much loss and hurt this year... more than have ever had in my entire life.

and i'm not just referring to my job and the many patients that have passed.

but friends {or those who i thought i would eventually be close to}.

financial struggles.

loneliness.

lack of motivation to read a single page of a book for the past several months.

and if i were to be truly honest with you? i would tell you up front in person that i've never been more angry or frustrated or jealous of others ever. it's sad.

and so the wrong time of year to be feeling this way.

and i don't think i can fake it either.

not this year.

sarahjo

{unrealistic} wish list

oh there are so many cute, sparkly and just plain lovely things i want for christmas this year! {not any of which i asked for, except perhaps one}. but, a girl can dream can't she?

here are the visions of sugarplums dancing in my head::

1. Ugg bailey button triplet boot {whew, that's a mouthful}. and may i suggest to those of you who love ugg boots as i do, buy kids boots! seriously, they are about $30 cheaper.

2. Coach poppy fragrance. holy moly, this new perfume smells so freakin' good!

3. FEED eco burlap bag. it's for a good cause. plus they are super big {that's my kinda purse}!

4. Brita {pink!} water filter. their new commercial just made me want to get one even more. and they have pink ones at bed+bath! check out their commercial here.

5. glitter/sparkly heels! oh my gracious these are SO popular this year. and they are cute + sparkly. my favorite combination.

6. macaroons. i've seen these little {what i think look like tiny, colorful hamburgers} delicacies photog'ed everywhere. not only that, but Blair Waldorf was eating them. they have to be good then, right?

7. Starbucks burlap travel mug. now that i'm starting to make my own coffee and all...

8. Lauren Conrad style book. all of Lauren's personal style tips. plus, i just adore her!

i think it's very diverse... another list-making success! hehe {i just had to get it out of my system.}

sarahjo

{what's} to come

taylor swift + needtobreathe.

in september.

you bet i'm going.

duh.

sarahjo

light up {the street}

may all your troubles soon be gone

those christmas lights keep shining on.

::coldplay- christmas lights::