full speed ahead.

“there are people we meet in life who miss being important to us by inches, days, or heartbeats. Another place or time or different emotional frame of mind and we would willingly fall into their arms; gladly take up their challenge or invitation. but as it is, we encounter them when we are discontent or content and they are not. whatever they are, we are not and vice versa. two trains going in different directions that pass for a few powerful moments at full speed, blasting noise and wind but then they are gone. whatever serious chemistry might have been possible, isn’t.”

- jonathon carroll

a {restless} heart.

i’m fervently praying for everything unresolved in mine.

sarahjobell

stuck in a {fearful} corner.

my poor little blog probably feels so helpless from me abandoning it.

it’s pathetic really.

fear will do that to you, i guess… make you abandon people, places, things that made you happy. speaking from experience, being in a particularly vulnerable place in life myself, fear is a terrible corner to back yourself up in. i have harbored the full spectrum of emotions over the past several months. & somehow after all the anger, crying, jealousy, + hurt begin to dwindle, i have fear leftover on my plate. fear in how to approach these situations + people that have been the cause.  i have this fear of saying the wrong words at the wrong moment. but if i’m really being honest, then i need to say out loud how i’m feeling. i need to be vulnerable.

& i’m trying to gain some perspective. i’ve been looking at my current state so closely, i feel like i’ve put it under a magnifying glass. & all i can see is the negative. my heartache, anger, hopelessness… it’s time to take a step back and look at the big picture. there will be something good that will come out of this, right? i have to believe there will be. otherwise, i will be stuck in my fearful corner for awhile…

sarahjobell

splendor {past the limitations.}

i’m starting to get this sinking feeling that i’m wasting my life.

i’m constantly in this state of discontent.

as though i’m accomplishing nothing.

amongst the mess of my pity party,

i have forgotten how fortunate i am.

yet, i still struggle.

therefore today, i started “the happiness project.”

i know the book may not be from a christian point of view,

but that doesn’t make it wrong.

although, in the end i may come to find that the author + i will have some different opinions on what will truly make one happy.

but that’s what the book is all about.

in the end, you create your own happiness project.

everyone’s will vary.

however, all may learn to be grateful for an ordinary day.

which is exactly what i’m going to attempt to do.

sarahjobell

over again.

i need a fresh start.
 all over again.