{to be} sincere

"and i can't pull off the cheer.

not this year."

i feel exactly {word for word} the way this song describes one's lack of christmas joy today.

i feel i've had so much loss and hurt this year... more than have ever had in my entire life.

and i'm not just referring to my job and the many patients that have passed.

but friends {or those who i thought i would eventually be close to}.

financial struggles.

loneliness.

lack of motivation to read a single page of a book for the past several months.

and if i were to be truly honest with you? i would tell you up front in person that i've never been more angry or frustrated or jealous of others ever. it's sad.

and so the wrong time of year to be feeling this way.

and i don't think i can fake it either.

not this year.

sarahjo